.....and we made up

nothing as annoying, as an arrogant woman who refuses to accept when she's wrong, even more annoying than that is, one that pontificates when she I realizes her folly..

It was a Monday morning, 4.45, just stepping into the shower after a forty minute workout; squats, bench presses, and crunches, the price for longevity, and often touted as panacea for arthritis and a few old age maladies, for me, it was more vanity; why shouldn't I?  I think often, I actually look at men with beer belly as gross, even worse, mental aspersion I cast on the ones relatively younger, anyways, showered and was all dressed, and ready to leave at 5.27 alas! my girl still foot dragging, I hate to wait really, reason we have an alarm, and the unwritten rule during the week is, if I'm driving; which  I really have no qualms doing, I'd really like not to be delayed, this is the third time, and day in row, my lava was slow boiling and quantity building..5.55 we hit the road..of course the traffic had built some, " hun am sorry" I ignore, thinking" why must I bear this? how insensitive can one get, so I slowly rip, in retro by the way.. citing examples and reasons why we need to settle for staff bus, and know we either get there or drive, but I won't do drives anymore after this, so a fatwa is issued; notifying discontinuance, a huge argument ensues, not how I like to start my week, so I lock down...I had never been late to work until I decided to give this live-in thing a go..needless to say cold war set in.

Fast forward, Friday night, not a word, house becoming a minefield, It sucks to not be able to engage, so I make up my mind to be the fool and extend the olive branch, how about a movie it's Friday night no rush to get home? I'll pass..mtschewwww! see me wahala o, fuckitt I thought, who cares, I'll drop you at home, change and hit town with my boys, I thought, unfortunately traffic was baaaad, got home three hours later, by which time I'd made up my mind, live-in ends tonight.. so off went the tie, closely followed by my shirt as I walked back to my turf: the guest room, shoes flew off one after the last, as did my trouser, what are you angry about, and is this worth all the energy? These were thoughts that flashed through my mind, and a sudden calm fell, "seek first to understand, that you may be understood" resonated...teachings from past Buddhism class.

I sat for what seemed an eternity to clam down, and collect my thought, I love Ai, at least enough to walk/work through this, the more you let the anger fester, the wider the vacuum, and more difficult it is to bridge, as I thought of a re entry plan, Ai walked past my door, for next to my room is the pantry, oblivious of me; by the way! she took ignoring me in my funk, to a scientific level, anyway, as she turned from the pantry to walk away, whatever it was she went to get dropped, in an attempt to pick it up, she lost her towel, amazing reflex, as she scooped it back up still oblivious of her silent partner,       and continued like nothing happened, meanwhile in that flash, was a flash....a silly smile cracked, and peace-absolute peace, and a new resolve settled in...

I gave her a few minutes, which also seemed like an eternity, and proceeded to the master bedroom, with each step increased my heartbeat...I'm standing there watching Ai singing as she lathered herself, the heat from the shower slowly but surely enveloping her, filling the air also was sweet coconut oil, mixed with honey and Shear-butter oils.. as she sang the steam rose, in the obscure view, I saw the curves, and delicate features, of her 5'10 in straight glory...full firm 36C cups, sashay as she danced to Sade's song, oblivious of my presence, yet taunting, and seductively though, unspoken daring me, urging me, needling me with each stroke of the sponge, ...Sade still somewhere in the background crooning" there was a quiet storm building, "Innocent " my third member started heat seeking...

when I stepped into the shower it was all hazy and cloudy, "innocent" homed in, my heart palpitating, I reached out, and gently brought Ai home to cradle her head in my chest for a long hug, she first was still...defiant, then she broke down.. gentle sobs, I let it flow...then I lifted her face, looking into those big brown eyes of hers, and realizing how lucky a man I am, eyes lock and a new beginning was unspoken, yet agreed as lips lock, slowly I take her lower lip, and she, my upper, we massaged the other's slowly, me standing there drenched in under-vest and boxers,..as we kiss, warm waters cascaded our bodies, and we, now one lost to our senses, as our need for the other engulfed;  I  cupped her breasts, and  and massaged them, she leaned in to me urging as if to say, take this burden of me please, lips locked, as tongues engage in a long deep exchange of notes, from the light above I could see as I stepped back to admire her,  and all that I almost stupidly gave up, her fair skin aglow in the light, brighter than light, her nipples, brownish pink; engorged and looking like olive pits, I take one nipple in mouth, and gently nibble it, she spasmed, and brought her head in close like a mother suckling her babe, while I twiddled the other, her head thrown back in submission, as I sucked and nibbled...

...her back to the wall as I slowly ran my tongue down her midsection, as I head down south she in union with me spread, to allow for ease of access.. a few stops on my way down,  and on arrival Francois Clitoris was present and waiting albeit impatiently to meet me, as my tongue hit, Ai lets out a gust of air, and I on my knee worshipped on mount Clitoris, passion built slowly  and I realized I'd not invited Gerhardt, so I headed to the spot- Ai writhed, whilst urging I disrobe...

I turned her slowly face to wall -a bit of reluctance and resistance to protest the departure from. Gerhard and Francois, when she realized my cousin snoop was up, a smile cracked as I took her, in long slow dives, back arched one hand on the wall to steady as the other reached out in what seem a reassurance it wasn't a dream.."Innocent" at full mast and steam, all of it's own volition...she turns around lips in pout teasing, and urging me on as she swished and grind with each stroke of my dive...

we head into the bedroom, and the first obstacle was the dresser chair, she makes me sit, and gives Innocent slowly as she sat astride.. me sucking her breast whilst she slowly swing her hips, and alternates with grinds...I feel her cup my balls and give them a tight but gentle squeeze and she rides and grinds deeper, moaning as we both build in to a crescendo that bursts our dams....

....I live to fight another day

my best friend

She always thought I was too gay to be straight... she saw in me a man in touch with his feminine side, and always seem to appreciate and identify with a woman's side of things, what she fails to realize or may have failed to realize is, I have seven sisters; not the borough in London!  my siblings, anyways, I grew up around an environment filled with estrogen and driven by it, naked at first and and as we grew up half naked, till they realized oops! he's a man, I ceased being their brother, and they started fully cladding- bitches I thought, but hey! I love them still, and always will.

 I sat in on all their gossips, heck ! I even upgraded a school mate to friend status  cos he dug my sis; the wanker left her, well , reason you all hate us, so! my sisters and mum prepared me for a life of love with abilities, and attitudes of gratitude, I love women, I crave being around them, they give me a reason to live, a reason for life. I believe where men; at least most men get it wrong is, they are not patient enough, to attune themselves to appreciating the woman's angle of life, we are driven by ego, irrespective of the gender, however the women have to deal with hormonal driven issues as well ( read C.S Lewis ' book, Glands) you will understand better why women are the way they are, and it will help you as a person, deal with or manage issues. So the key words are patience and attention, these two I learnt from my childhood, however traumatic and crazy as teenage was for me, it's taken me a few challenges with relationships to reach back deep to my childhood to remember, and bring to the fore again, my sisters and mum; our relationship, and how they talked about their boyfriends and my dad; the great through the good to the down right nasty sides of men and their relationships.

I love a beautiful woman, I love a woman sure of herself and knowing of what she wants, a woman not so sure but having an idea of what she wants and where she's headed is worth growing with and investing emotions in.

My best friend told me all, we shared her heartaches and menstrual pains, her hot dates and lousy ones, her new bags and Jimmy Choos', and the more time we spent together and, apart the more apparent we were inseparable, oh! who is she you ask,...lemme describe my best friend...

1'75m, a calm spirit, the yin of my yang, subtle, deep beautiful, she reminds me of  city of Heidelberg in summer, green lush hills that reminds of God's promises of a life of bounties, river alive and flowing,  aglow like gold in sun, she reminds me life is worth living, by the simple things she does with intent, a good listener, a comforter, awesome sense of humor and how to apply it., why would any guy in right mind hurt such a being or say, I want out from a relationship, in the physical she is like Aphrodite...

So, my best friend was talking to me, and I kept saying this is the love of my life, this is whom I wanna be with till forever and eternity, I realized the panic attacks and my anger bouts had been borne of my challenge of how I let her I know I deeply care, and would like to make our relationship more than what it is.. I leaned forward and it was our first kiss, don't ask me what prompted the act..we both got giddy from it...slow... long, I took her lower lip, she has lips on pout eternal, soft not so full but adequate, soft like petals off a rose bud, each kiss held life, and begged for more, breathes deeps and slow I sucked on her lower lip while she massaged my upper one, and we interchanged, we clung to each as life was held, she leaned in, and I held her to the space we created, eyes opened to be sure each isn't in a dream, and as eyes closed they took down with them a deep need, muscles spasms heightening a mutual desire long harbored,  her hand cradling the back of my head, while both of mine held her waist, being a head taller; who cares anyways, only made it more intense, eyes aflame as I read her, her rights to silence, in the process I searched her; voice and eyes for doubt of purpose or intent and there was none, and we returned to where we started....

Shenanigans

I had a very hard and long week; crashed my car in the process of it all but hey! it could have been worse, how was your week?...

Yoruba would say "shina (sheenor)" word synonymous with philandering, i'd rather shenanigans. the moment we talk about philandering automatically the world thinks it's the guy, well is it!?

A lot of troubled homes and relationships out there, I stopped over at  dear friends place and all we talked about were sad stories of him/she cheating, and in the dark clouds there were silver linings of happily ever after as some found love, but in other places; so they think but hey! who died and made me judge... even my gay friends have a complaint or two, and i'm wondering where the world is going to..

I love and enjoy sex, hell yea I do, and my partner better have her groove on as well, but I don't do casual sex...Id love to see you in the red heels without your clothes; preferably red and 6 inches high, ....mmm

while my dear friend and I spoke, I ate and had cafe cognac and thought; what is life about; we grow, graduate, get employed , get married or live-in, have sex, complain about our sex, find alternatives which range from subtle to bizarre; self love, vibrator, new partner, turn gay or celibacy.. while we spoke I scoured the net, and came across mumsaloud.com the topics I saw all were shades and allusions to what i'd known, and heard from every crevice of life, seems the house is crumbling; poor communication above all, ego- not sure which should come first though, poor sex..oops! I meant no sex, complaints that we cum and go, so the women are pained, and the men remain irresolute in their seeming defiance. By the way, why cant't some men stay awake after cum?

I wasn't sure where to start with this piece, I was and  still am torn, don't want to come across chauvinistic or biased.. whats do people want really?; happy homes at what cost? happy lives? did you say they are one and the same? why is life or does relationships have to be so complicated I ask myself; heterosexual relationships are complicated, I shudder to think what being gay is like..

 we individually have our quirks and dysfunctions from our nurture however,  as adults, we should be able to work through these, and understand that if it can't be fixed, we should move on along and remain friends, after all it all started out in friendship, we shouldn't lose the friendship if we can help it.

I have heard of women who have slit wrists, guys who have committed manslaughter, suicides, and I wonder, why not just walk away, then I quickly realize as beings, we may not have been prepared to manage such situations.

Guys beating up women  they once loved or still love but feel the need to smack em back in line, damn! I smack my gal too, when I'm in the throes of passion, I only ensure I don't damage the package..

She realized it was enough, so she became docile and quiet, found succor in his best friend, and they all lived happily ever after; he found peace she found love.

We each make mistakes; why did I ever marry? Marriage is a beautiful thing, our differences should ideally be our strength, however we are locked in mental battles and emotional struggles. I love my girl friend, and I try to keep it simple so we don't get things twisted, I keep it simple and try to explain when I'm misunderstood, I love my woman deep and feisty, a ponderer, I prefer to remain cerebral.

Do we let the physical take away our deeper needs? how are we managing our expectations of our partner or would be one... I am a strong believer in the fact that African women are better nurtured than their male counterparts; reason the problem mostly seem to be attributable to the guy.

In boy, girl relationship, we seem to have perfect communication lines till we get married, so why does marriage come and change things? if you had a chance to make a change, what would you change? I listen as I write- a collabo Sergio Mendez and Jill Scott" let me", amazing how many lines and lyrics, poems and Odes have been written to, and about women loved and lost, in all my musings I guess I will revert to the teachings of the 'Prophet' by  Khalil Gibran on marriage, may be on my next sojourn, I shall get it right better...

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.

You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.

Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow. 

Masculine Take: Gender Equality

Masculine Take: Gender Equality: Listening to all sorts on my playlist whilst I worked, and pondered what else to muse about, then from Jill Scott's collabo with Vidal Davis...

Gender Equality

Listening to all sorts on my playlist whilst I worked, and pondered what else to muse about, then from Jill Scott's collabo with Vidal Davis" Love rain"; the coffee shop version, gosh! amazing what we can do with words, anyways, I was pondering what to muse; lately, my internal battles raging,  but a big war yet to win; is it about winning or just finding a common ground, a few years ago I saw a movie: the war between men and women- starred Jack Lemon, question is, is that war over or have the battlefields changed, not in bedrooms or home front; still most rage there whilst swords are sheathed in public.

The battles fronts and trenches; boardrooms, corporate corridors, dance floors, parking lots, gyms to name just a few; bizarre as these may sound or come across, these battles rage on, mental and in some cases physically.

Gone are the days of yore when women were required to be seen only, now sistas wanna be heard, and loud too, you wanna listen or you wanna hear them holler, choice is yours, but wait a minute, have they just found their voices or have they been talking all these while and the brothas haven't been listening? Suddenly wages are  at par, roles and responsibilities are equally contested, academic and corporate achievements are no more the exclusivity of the man, the tables turned, women no longer want to stay home, they want to make and take decisions; great and small and yes, they are, look around your brothers, the sistas have moved in and moved up; yea, woman on top ring a bell?

so why all the broohaha, so while we talk and make a case for each on equality I wonder why the sistas now complain the equality is working, there's just no pleasing you all is there, but wait a minute, even the guys have an issue on both fronts of the equality scene; they want liberated women, but can't handle the heat, sorry! I meant warmth, these sistas bring to the home, if you love it in the other woman, why are you intolerant of the woman you live with?

So, what is gender equality? I'm yet to understand the concept, however, I believe; once you care enough to choose to spend the rest of your life with a being, that decision must take into cognizance that dynamics will change and your position will get tested; you don't want your decisions or their rationale questioned, are you sure you believe in equality? where then are the lines drawn? should there be lines drawn at all?
A friend once said to me I wanna be taken care of i'm tired or doing all the hard work and paying the bills, my question was are you ready for the responsibility that comes with submitting to a man who picks up all the tabs?
Then again, we the brothers have created an army of lazy women, no apologies, a chic cries " he doesn't respect me, treats me like trash, this brought a joke back from my schools days about a loaded Igbo boy in the university who went clubbing with his chic, and spent half the night talking business loudly above the noise from the music, his chic got irritated and complained aloud, the chap immediately retorted" na free we enter this club? the wine you dey drink no be money we take buy am, where you tink say dis money dey come from? na dis business we I dey talk, so sharrap and go dance, I de come".

True to type, you choose to be a house wife, it comes at  a price/cost; lose of self identity, security and a high level of freedom by the way. Then there is the case of the guys who feel insecure with his chic because she earns in seven digits, his masculinity is threatened, ego becomes less secure, if we have house wives why can't we have house husbands who feel confident in staying home and raising the kids while she goes out to bring back the bacon, and why does this concept sound so alien, are we talking love here or are having a never ending war of egos, we are human and have to manage each other's ego, but why should the ego decide what the heart or head should? when she earns more than you, what added pressure does this bring on you.

It isn't difficult to love her and open yourself to her criticism, after all, who'd have your back like she would seven digit salary and all? I believe fundamentally we need love and respect for each other and therein lie the equality we seek, which by the way is a way of life, after all you raise kids, and first things we teach them is or are common courtesies, why are these lacking with us?, and for those of you who feel the grass is greener in the other yard.

As I wind down,  Maxwell is singing "symptom unknown", I share this excerpt from the book of Ephesian

³³However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [^[f]that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and ^[g]that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. [I Pet. 3:2.]

this has thrown me into another battle zone, when I have worked through this, I shall share my thoughts....

Then the track shifted to Jill Scott's "exclusively", it was amazing how vivid her description goes, if you can get a hold of her album and listen to this piece.. at the end she raised a major question or?

Just Musings

This whole thing started as a thought, then I read a few blogs from a friend and tried my hands on a few @ my Aether page, I find with time it actually gets easier, et voila!

It has always been a woman's or the women folks angle to most things and we say, do not engage or get into an argument otherwise, a conversation you's thought was ending is re-energized.

The is and always will be our take on things, and gone are the times and days when we let sleeping dogs lie, you have a feeling, bet you .... we have a take on it, not cos we want to argue or make you seem less intelligent, the situation now is, since we are working towards; may be we have actually arrived at gender equality, to whom a lot is given a whole lot more is demanded; quid pro quo.

what I'm I on about? search me,  what is my grouse? none really, so what is this all about then? call it catharsis, I just know we all need an avenue to vent, immaterial what we vent about, but we all need an outlet for pent up whatever.

I had an annoying day, it could have been worse though, as if it wasn't bad enough, RIM had an outage which took them 4 hours to communicate; at least to this part or EMEA; do those jokes have a crisis communication plan at all? I don't think so, and if they do, and it took them till 3 hours ago to let us know they have issues; the outage had been on since about 11am West African time(GMT+1), I'm sorry that is sub par; tongue out.

The worst part of it was not being able to ketchup on things; important and mundane, so I ask, what would life be without gizmos; Iphone, Ipad, BBs, galaxy et al, me believe life would be less interesting, bearing in mind you don't need to have physical contacts with your friends and family anymore, you just ping, facetime or skype video call, even sex does not require you to get physical anymore, you just engage in textual, or BBsex....mmm where is this world headed? and we haven't seen anything yet.

I think I'm beginning to get a hang of things, should be easier going forward, so back to why I took up arms against my sisters, well! I get a feel the goose and the ganders are equally matched now, and the game is changing, yes oo abi na lie?

Once I used to delude myself like the average Joe that the babes don't know what's up, then one day I went out; TGIF a few peeps from work, out on the town good food, drinks and great company, dance and it got pretty hot in the dance hall, so I went out, being my adventurous self I went were I felt was uncharted partly led by curiosity and may be a bit of clairvoyance or was it divine guidance that was to be my Vuka; Zulu for wake up call, right there in the dark was a solid mass and unknown to me were two I know to belong to different people; no I wasn't disappointed, as they reluctantly emerged, was more intrigued; no I'm not naïve, I just have wondered what it is that make us do what we do as social animals, beings if you will, so I look them in the yes, both avoided my look; more like gaze, but all I asked though unspoken was, was it good? and why you looking guilty, you should be proud you found each other worthy...or did I miss their collective guilt..

I believe the guilt shouldn't come to at all, after all we are adults and have a latitude of expression, once expressed enjoy the post orgasmic glow and dispense with the guilt, so now we all are equal, no finger pointing, as you all will agree, yes you too the women, after all it is because of you this whole write up started, yes oo, now we are all one, una sef tief pass, yes, even you the married one..abi I lie...

On a parting note, as the adulterer was shoved to the middle of the crowd and about to be stoned, Bros JC stepped forward looked about him and said, let he who is without sin cast the first stone, and there was a thud next to the chic, followed by a muffled sounds as everyone wondered who it was, Bros JC turned in the direction from whence the stone was cast and asked who threw the stone, as he moved in on the angle from whence the stone was cast, the crowed parted to allow him through and their with a smug on her face at the end of the crowd was his Mum Mary.." oh mother! he exclaimed, what are you doing her!

Good night folks... I'm just musing, be free to live comments, and don't take this personal