it was 06:07 when I reached for my work mobile, I rarely ever get calls on it so early in the am; shoo.. missed the call; flicked through and realized i'd missed quite a few call, " has there been an accident/incident worthy of news for which I must know?,
A new call came thru and I listened"....unconscious... tried to revive...hospital...died, morgue"....Snap! flashback... last few weeks.. I have always felt misunderstood so, when I get an opportunity to let "Perci"be known better I usually take it. long and short of the opportunity was another soul seeking acceptance and parental affirmation.. a brilliant and intelligent soul, wise beyond her years yet seeking what she already had...where did our souls cross? well in the battle field called life..
I grew up not knowing my dad till I was ten, even then he was known from afar, for being a "love child", everyone knew who the baby daddy is except except "his" wife, though she suspected, his family made it a point to shield the truth from her, till she stumbled on a letter innocently written by a 13 year old..et voila! chicken finally came home to roost.. and four yours after, though I had moved in and been integrated, I bottled a lot of resentment for him...flashback!........child meets a boy, innocently falls in love and defies all that is holy and sacrosanct, and for this she paid huge price; partial ostracism, "volenti non fit injuria" you'd say..shut up! have you ever loved or been in love that you'd defy your family?...Ten years, and as she shared this deep hurt, a heavy burden was alift off her heart and soul.. what can I do but offer kind but practical words from a dad's perspective, but also from the angle of one who suffered a traumatic adolescence: , I could deeply connect and identify with her.
I shared my childhood as well, so I urged first by asking what would happen if she lost either of, or both her parents, with so much love unexpressed, you should have seen her beautiful eyes bulge in absolute defiance, and her words were in sync as well" God forbid, there is still soo much I wanna say to them", and I in my cynical nature, asked her what the panacea to this malaise would be in her mind,.... all I got was "I can't Perci, my dad and I don't talk, he knows it all, and I need to show him he is wrong this time", " who died and made you god to apportion guilt, blame or mete out punishment". next Morning I received a devotional that was so profound, I immediately sent it to her..." a broken and contrite heart.....", gave her call and talked about it, David a la Uriah scenario and parable of the prodigal son
We agreed to step at a time...me helping her understand that vengeance is mine saith the lord... and with that she agreed to go extend the Olive branch... my fear was what if the dad suddenly died, it would ultimately crush her...convocation was last Wednesday 16th November, I got a text" I spoke wif my dad, jist you later", convocation went well, got a call from her" walked into my Dad's office, he immediately formed busy, but I went ahead and spoke, he listened, when I was thru , he bashed me for leading a destructive life, and being a preacher man's daughter haven't lived up to his expectations...I told you I shouldn't have gone"..Then he asked her what next, since she's done with her master's degree.. she shared her plans.. I asked if she invited him to her graduation, she did and he accepted to show , however for whatever reason did not show...It is progress from where we have been the last 10 years.." God has way of humbling one", I said to her, and we moved on to the next plan, she arrived Lagos on Thursday and I urged her to send him text that she'd arrived safely... grudgingly she did, he responded..cold , but a response, which is a quantum leap...one wouldn't believe they are daughter and father...We spoke some more on Friday and as I was so busy on Saturday pm, I got a call asking why i'd gone under the radar, we laughed, talked on a more lighter note, faffed around and I rang off....death in the line of work has happened only once; 5 years ago and I dare say lost to memory till I got the call this am.......,
I am here wondering" what is going through her father's mind", for when he came to where the remains laid, he did not even venture near, an embodiment of calm and confidence, her brother who came with him could barely stand, and her face....as I looked in to her eyes in death, filled my mind, eyes open, yet deep in death saying, "why now, but alas! i'm free Perci, free at last"... a light soul...what and how will Dad deal with this when solitude sets in......
...and she died.. from a bad fall, must have been sometime in the middle of the night but she was only found at 4amish, when I got the call and flew back to Lagos, it all seemed like a joke, very surreal,.. I focused on the clouds and their formation as we cruised @ 33k feet... and in the seeming field of blossoming cotton .. there was a single light cloud floating in the opposite direction... I called out her name, hoping it would slow and acknowledge my voice....it just kept going........
I have known pain and I have known losses of dear ones: my mum and bosom friend.. it always cuts deep when ever it hits you again, the pain comes anew......
Good night Esther, sleep tight...1983-2011......
A new call came thru and I listened"....unconscious... tried to revive...hospital...died, morgue"....Snap! flashback... last few weeks.. I have always felt misunderstood so, when I get an opportunity to let "Perci"be known better I usually take it. long and short of the opportunity was another soul seeking acceptance and parental affirmation.. a brilliant and intelligent soul, wise beyond her years yet seeking what she already had...where did our souls cross? well in the battle field called life..
I grew up not knowing my dad till I was ten, even then he was known from afar, for being a "love child", everyone knew who the baby daddy is except except "his" wife, though she suspected, his family made it a point to shield the truth from her, till she stumbled on a letter innocently written by a 13 year old..et voila! chicken finally came home to roost.. and four yours after, though I had moved in and been integrated, I bottled a lot of resentment for him...flashback!........child meets a boy, innocently falls in love and defies all that is holy and sacrosanct, and for this she paid huge price; partial ostracism, "volenti non fit injuria" you'd say..shut up! have you ever loved or been in love that you'd defy your family?...Ten years, and as she shared this deep hurt, a heavy burden was alift off her heart and soul.. what can I do but offer kind but practical words from a dad's perspective, but also from the angle of one who suffered a traumatic adolescence: , I could deeply connect and identify with her.
I shared my childhood as well, so I urged first by asking what would happen if she lost either of, or both her parents, with so much love unexpressed, you should have seen her beautiful eyes bulge in absolute defiance, and her words were in sync as well" God forbid, there is still soo much I wanna say to them", and I in my cynical nature, asked her what the panacea to this malaise would be in her mind,.... all I got was "I can't Perci, my dad and I don't talk, he knows it all, and I need to show him he is wrong this time", " who died and made you god to apportion guilt, blame or mete out punishment". next Morning I received a devotional that was so profound, I immediately sent it to her..." a broken and contrite heart.....", gave her call and talked about it, David a la Uriah scenario and parable of the prodigal son
We agreed to step at a time...me helping her understand that vengeance is mine saith the lord... and with that she agreed to go extend the Olive branch... my fear was what if the dad suddenly died, it would ultimately crush her...convocation was last Wednesday 16th November, I got a text" I spoke wif my dad, jist you later", convocation went well, got a call from her" walked into my Dad's office, he immediately formed busy, but I went ahead and spoke, he listened, when I was thru , he bashed me for leading a destructive life, and being a preacher man's daughter haven't lived up to his expectations...I told you I shouldn't have gone"..Then he asked her what next, since she's done with her master's degree.. she shared her plans.. I asked if she invited him to her graduation, she did and he accepted to show , however for whatever reason did not show...It is progress from where we have been the last 10 years.." God has way of humbling one", I said to her, and we moved on to the next plan, she arrived Lagos on Thursday and I urged her to send him text that she'd arrived safely... grudgingly she did, he responded..cold , but a response, which is a quantum leap...one wouldn't believe they are daughter and father...We spoke some more on Friday and as I was so busy on Saturday pm, I got a call asking why i'd gone under the radar, we laughed, talked on a more lighter note, faffed around and I rang off....death in the line of work has happened only once; 5 years ago and I dare say lost to memory till I got the call this am.......,
I am here wondering" what is going through her father's mind", for when he came to where the remains laid, he did not even venture near, an embodiment of calm and confidence, her brother who came with him could barely stand, and her face....as I looked in to her eyes in death, filled my mind, eyes open, yet deep in death saying, "why now, but alas! i'm free Perci, free at last"... a light soul...what and how will Dad deal with this when solitude sets in......
...and she died.. from a bad fall, must have been sometime in the middle of the night but she was only found at 4amish, when I got the call and flew back to Lagos, it all seemed like a joke, very surreal,.. I focused on the clouds and their formation as we cruised @ 33k feet... and in the seeming field of blossoming cotton .. there was a single light cloud floating in the opposite direction... I called out her name, hoping it would slow and acknowledge my voice....it just kept going........
I have known pain and I have known losses of dear ones: my mum and bosom friend.. it always cuts deep when ever it hits you again, the pain comes anew......
Good night Esther, sleep tight...1983-2011......
