...have you seen the movie " Friends with benefits".. starring Justin Timberlake? well I only just read a review about it and coincidentally was in a conversation with a dear friend and it was mentioned, I thought I was the only Naija who'd heard the term, I was glad and relieved all at once....crazy thing is, it may be a new term, however the concept is as old as I can remember...I actually first heard the term used in Boston Legal; colleagues in the firm having a triangular though independent friendship with benefits...
Basically two people who have known each other for a while or have been acquaintances of sort; work colleagues, mates, neighbors,and they agree to unemotionally have a mutually rewarding friendship; movies, dinner/lunch, party if need be, sexual gratification ultimately being benefit of the arrangement, yes! arrangement, as this is what you mutually agree to, simple innit? errr..I don't think so...
Well! "life is what happens when you busy making plans" John Lennon.....not easily achieved, evidences show that more often than not, complications arise...going by the movie-it ended happily ever after, however in real life, reactions have ranged from love, to hate and in-between; broken hearts- his and hers alike.. and fingers burnt.. what is so difficult about sticking with the agreements reached at the outset?
Question then is, why must sex come and change everything? why cant we just be friends and reap benefits thereof?
Share your thoughts please
Its a question worth asking. Why should sex change everything? The question is why shouldn't it? Sex is not an "external" activity like eating or walking. One you can share with almost anyone and walk away from the memory of it. Sex is a process. It involves baring your most precious asset -your body- to the scrutiny (maybe ridicule?) of another. Allowing them to see you as you would scarcely allow any one else. It involves exposing yourself at your most vulnerable moment -orgasm- for their observation (or god help you, derision). If i have that much trust in you, and i find you have that much trust in me, does it not go without saying that i would expect to be treated differently from your other friends? And that i would accord you the same partiality? Certain cultures allow you to have sex, get up, and walk away without a backward glance. Most do not. To do that, you would have to have little or no respect for your own body (to count it as something that anyone can access at no great cost and with no responsibility towards it afterward). I mean, if my body is not a big deal, and sex is just an action, then, when i have sex with you, i expect nothing afterward. No show of emotion, no sign that i am different from the next guy walking down the street, no concern for the body or the person. After all, it was just an act much like sharing a cup of tea. An act that could have been shared with anyone, even a stranger. Then i would not be annoyed if you don't call, or jealous if you share a caress with someone else. I would not care if you held back secrets from me, or be worried if your behavior changed. I would have no expectations of you and would be surprised if you had any of me.
ReplyDeleteBut if my body is precious, and sex is special, then why would sex not come and change everything?
A relationship with benefits starts off on the premise that the couple fancy each other but not enough for a heavy duty relationship. Keep it open and light, no ties, no obligations no headaches.
ReplyDeleteReality is, the more time you spend together one party takes an even deeper shine to the other, dynamics change.
Sex on tap then becomes a trickle where it was a gush. The heart takes a dive as the feelings of lust give way to love......
Who's to blame? Sex or heart? or both
Maxwell is right in asking why shouldn't Sex change everything.
However, casual sex is on the rise, ask a lot of the 20-30's age group, who want to go out, have fun, sow wild oats and think about unemployment, mortgages, kids financial investments when they're 35 and over...My body is a temple? not at the moment it's not....It's mine to do as I wish seems to be their motto..