Listening to all sorts on my playlist whilst I worked, and pondered what else to muse about, then from Jill Scott's collabo with Vidal Davis" Love rain"; the coffee shop version, gosh! amazing what we can do with words, anyways, I was pondering what to muse; lately, my internal battles raging, but a big war yet to win; is it about winning or just finding a common ground, a few years ago I saw a movie: the war between men and women- starred Jack Lemon, question is, is that war over or have the battlefields changed, not in bedrooms or home front; still most rage there whilst swords are sheathed in public.
The battles fronts and trenches; boardrooms, corporate corridors, dance floors, parking lots, gyms to name just a few; bizarre as these may sound or come across, these battles rage on, mental and in some cases physically.
Gone are the days of yore when women were required to be seen only, now sistas wanna be heard, and loud too, you wanna listen or you wanna hear them holler, choice is yours, but wait a minute, have they just found their voices or have they been talking all these while and the brothas haven't been listening? Suddenly wages are at par, roles and responsibilities are equally contested, academic and corporate achievements are no more the exclusivity of the man, the tables turned, women no longer want to stay home, they want to make and take decisions; great and small and yes, they are, look around your brothers, the sistas have moved in and moved up; yea, woman on top ring a bell?
so why all the broohaha, so while we talk and make a case for each on equality I wonder why the sistas now complain the equality is working, there's just no pleasing you all is there, but wait a minute, even the guys have an issue on both fronts of the equality scene; they want liberated women, but can't handle the heat, sorry! I meant warmth, these sistas bring to the home, if you love it in the other woman, why are you intolerant of the woman you live with?
So, what is gender equality? I'm yet to understand the concept, however, I believe; once you care enough to choose to spend the rest of your life with a being, that decision must take into cognizance that dynamics will change and your position will get tested; you don't want your decisions or their rationale questioned, are you sure you believe in equality? where then are the lines drawn? should there be lines drawn at all?
A friend once said to me I wanna be taken care of i'm tired or doing all the hard work and paying the bills, my question was are you ready for the responsibility that comes with submitting to a man who picks up all the tabs?
Then again, we the brothers have created an army of lazy women, no apologies, a chic cries " he doesn't respect me, treats me like trash, this brought a joke back from my schools days about a loaded Igbo boy in the university who went clubbing with his chic, and spent half the night talking business loudly above the noise from the music, his chic got irritated and complained aloud, the chap immediately retorted" na free we enter this club? the wine you dey drink no be money we take buy am, where you tink say dis money dey come from? na dis business we I dey talk, so sharrap and go dance, I de come".
True to type, you choose to be a house wife, it comes at a price/cost; lose of self identity, security and a high level of freedom by the way. Then there is the case of the guys who feel insecure with his chic because she earns in seven digits, his masculinity is threatened, ego becomes less secure, if we have house wives why can't we have house husbands who feel confident in staying home and raising the kids while she goes out to bring back the bacon, and why does this concept sound so alien, are we talking love here or are having a never ending war of egos, we are human and have to manage each other's ego, but why should the ego decide what the heart or head should? when she earns more than you, what added pressure does this bring on you.
It isn't difficult to love her and open yourself to her criticism, after all, who'd have your back like she would seven digit salary and all? I believe fundamentally we need love and respect for each other and therein lie the equality we seek, which by the way is a way of life, after all you raise kids, and first things we teach them is or are common courtesies, why are these lacking with us?, and for those of you who feel the grass is greener in the other yard.
As I wind down, Maxwell is singing "symptom unknown", I share this excerpt from the book of Ephesian
33However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [[f]that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and [g]that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. [I Pet. 3:2.]
this has thrown me into another battle zone, when I have worked through this, I shall share my thoughts....
Then the track shifted to Jill Scott's "exclusively", it was amazing how vivid her description goes, if you can get a hold of her album and listen to this piece.. at the end she raised a major question or?
The battles fronts and trenches; boardrooms, corporate corridors, dance floors, parking lots, gyms to name just a few; bizarre as these may sound or come across, these battles rage on, mental and in some cases physically.
Gone are the days of yore when women were required to be seen only, now sistas wanna be heard, and loud too, you wanna listen or you wanna hear them holler, choice is yours, but wait a minute, have they just found their voices or have they been talking all these while and the brothas haven't been listening? Suddenly wages are at par, roles and responsibilities are equally contested, academic and corporate achievements are no more the exclusivity of the man, the tables turned, women no longer want to stay home, they want to make and take decisions; great and small and yes, they are, look around your brothers, the sistas have moved in and moved up; yea, woman on top ring a bell?
so why all the broohaha, so while we talk and make a case for each on equality I wonder why the sistas now complain the equality is working, there's just no pleasing you all is there, but wait a minute, even the guys have an issue on both fronts of the equality scene; they want liberated women, but can't handle the heat, sorry! I meant warmth, these sistas bring to the home, if you love it in the other woman, why are you intolerant of the woman you live with?
So, what is gender equality? I'm yet to understand the concept, however, I believe; once you care enough to choose to spend the rest of your life with a being, that decision must take into cognizance that dynamics will change and your position will get tested; you don't want your decisions or their rationale questioned, are you sure you believe in equality? where then are the lines drawn? should there be lines drawn at all?
A friend once said to me I wanna be taken care of i'm tired or doing all the hard work and paying the bills, my question was are you ready for the responsibility that comes with submitting to a man who picks up all the tabs?
Then again, we the brothers have created an army of lazy women, no apologies, a chic cries " he doesn't respect me, treats me like trash, this brought a joke back from my schools days about a loaded Igbo boy in the university who went clubbing with his chic, and spent half the night talking business loudly above the noise from the music, his chic got irritated and complained aloud, the chap immediately retorted" na free we enter this club? the wine you dey drink no be money we take buy am, where you tink say dis money dey come from? na dis business we I dey talk, so sharrap and go dance, I de come".
True to type, you choose to be a house wife, it comes at a price/cost; lose of self identity, security and a high level of freedom by the way. Then there is the case of the guys who feel insecure with his chic because she earns in seven digits, his masculinity is threatened, ego becomes less secure, if we have house wives why can't we have house husbands who feel confident in staying home and raising the kids while she goes out to bring back the bacon, and why does this concept sound so alien, are we talking love here or are having a never ending war of egos, we are human and have to manage each other's ego, but why should the ego decide what the heart or head should? when she earns more than you, what added pressure does this bring on you.
It isn't difficult to love her and open yourself to her criticism, after all, who'd have your back like she would seven digit salary and all? I believe fundamentally we need love and respect for each other and therein lie the equality we seek, which by the way is a way of life, after all you raise kids, and first things we teach them is or are common courtesies, why are these lacking with us?, and for those of you who feel the grass is greener in the other yard.
As I wind down, Maxwell is singing "symptom unknown", I share this excerpt from the book of Ephesian
33However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [[f]that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and [g]that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. [I Pet. 3:2.]
this has thrown me into another battle zone, when I have worked through this, I shall share my thoughts....
Then the track shifted to Jill Scott's "exclusively", it was amazing how vivid her description goes, if you can get a hold of her album and listen to this piece.. at the end she raised a major question or?
There is something about the way you write, its simple but complex, it makes me want to read more and sometimes it just seem like u aim to confuse not convince...i love it!
ReplyDeletethe idea really isn't to convince or confuse,just present both sides and leave reader with the burden of decision, like a psycho thriller, ever read or watched silence of the lamb? best to read it and then watch the movie, a huge vacuum between both. the human mind is awesome, it still tells me how great God is, remember, we have been created in HIS image...let the musiq play, like Barry White sang.... thanks for comments/ compliments and I shall strive to deliver always
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ReplyDeleteI still doubt that there actually is gender equality in a relationship especially in Nigeria where there is so much talk of culture and tradition. What does equality really mean? What variables are actually considered equal? Starting from a marriage perspective - True gender equality is actually perceived as inequality- And if you don’t believe me, get married and try to keep your family name.(Well, i didnt think so, lol)
ReplyDeleteIn this case the inequality is perceived, in part, because taking one’s husband’s name is considered “normal” for a woman, whereas choosing to keep one’s own name deviates from that.
Without deviating or causing an argument here, i believe God has created men and women for different purposes - gender equality in the work place - YES i agree so as to create an enabling environment for fair play, gender equality in marriage/relationship - hmm well that is a bit dicey. A man should be a man and provide for his family and a woman should be a woman and rub her husbands head after a hard days job(i can see the men nodding to that). Well, I wish i was an englishwoman where things would have been so much different *sigh*.
Definitely bookmarked. Nice to know a man's perspective once in a while and glad to know you have learnt quite a few things from www.mumsaloud.com.
Gender inequality... is there any single definition or description for that? In gender inequality (or equality?) much like life really, there is no black or white. Just shades of gray. Should a man and a woman be equal in the workplace? I can almost hear a resounding "YES". Violently intoned from some quarters...However, as a manager managing both material and human resources, I find myself constantly faced with the truth that women have certain qualities that men seem to be lacking and viceversa. As such, when distributing tasks, I recognize that a woman will perform much better in certain roles than her male counterpart. If I assign people different tasks based on their gender, have i not shifted into the realms of gender inequality? Or would you rather that I, in an attempt to be strictly "genderly equal" sort roles with no regard to efficiency of task performance?
ReplyDeleteBe that as it may, the main focus of Perci's rhetoric seems to be marriage. His ideas are interesting. If i decide to be a housewife, and "sit" at home, does that make me a "lazy" woman? If my dream and mission in life is to be married with children, does it reduce my worth as a human being? Would it give my husband the right to "not respect me, or treat me like trash"? Does the desire to nurture my husband and children exclusively constitute "loss of self identity"?
I watched a movie once (One of Tyler Perry's Comedies, I forget which it is now) where a woman was thrown out by her husband after 18 years of marriage. The problem? She was a housewife, he did all the work, they had no children and ultimately, he had found another love and his marriage had run its course. She decided to take him up on it. Afterall was she not the one who stayed at home, cleaned, cooked, took care of him and all round created an enabling environment for him to succeed at the WORK he seemed to be so proud of?
If on the other hand I decide to trash tradition and aim for the prime position in the "man's world" in which i have found myself, Have I changed roles? Or distorted the psychological ecosystem in which we all try to coexist?
If I marry a man who decides to allow me work while he takes care of the home, have we committed sacrilege? Does his staying at home make him less of a man? Does it remove from his person the most important values of honesty, integrity, service? or have we all fallen into the category of judging a man's worth not by his character but by his bank account?
Hmm... like I said, its all shades of gray.
Obvious though is one truth. If I love my wife, and she loves me in return. Then there is no grounds for gender inequality. We are not the same sex with one inferior (and thus, desiring to be equal) to the other. We are two different sexes with different abilities. Two halves of one whole. A ying and a yang. However we choose to distribute the tasks that life brings our way, if we have love and respect for one another, we will never have to battle for equality.
great perspective, and life happens...
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